The fastest response to date.

I sent my online resume, and within the hour I received my invitation for an exam and interview. that was fast.
The company was into manufacturing of industrial kitchen equipment, which is one thing I am currently interested in. The position, Assistant General Manager.

I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Sent out another solicited Photography bid earlier today. That makes it my second solicited bid this week. Hope finally that something materializes. It has been a while since I did a professional photography job.

Baler has been scheduled in the next 10days. I hope something positive happens before then.

The struggle goes on.
But deciding to repurpose myself requires that indeed, "The Struggle Must Go On."

I am waiting for a final call from a wellness company that wants me in to run a series of unrelated business ventures, which is actually what I am good at. I thrive running different things at the same time. However, the call hasn't come in yet.

The Jeans retailer also hasn't called back. This is another one i'd like to handle, principally because this is FMCG. Also, their new visuals are simply stunning; it was as if i'd have done it myself.

The yacht dealer has not called back. But their HR guy did. It seems I missed my final interview because of a telco snafu with my provider.

I am submitting another photography bid later today. again, that is another longshot. but it was a solicited bid.

I also have received another food shoot booking for next month. and although non-revenue generating, it will greatly be a big boost to do more creative imagery with food.

I still need to reconnect emotionally though.

And yes, Baler still Beckons.

things went south again last tuesday. just when everything was settling little by little. started feeling desperate again. massively desperate.

yesterday was good, but mostly on the perceptive level. got my first callback to a GM interview position, and it seemed positive. like I said, perceptive level. only drawback was my age. only advantage was my ISO certification experience, which seems to be a rare commodity. and it wasn't even in my resume.

submitted a bid this morning when i got news that the people who called me in for a meeting in the swankiest and newest hotel along manila bay just got fired by their joint venture partners. threw my bid there into a tailspin. One minute everything seems to be going right, then another minute and you are again walking on crushed glass, on the roofdeck, of a 30story building. oh when will this all end.

by noon, i got notified that my 2nd bid was nearly double that of the competition. as always. how the hell do you make a living giving away services. how.

found out yesterday that a brod realized i've dropped out of the scene last month and started to get worried. still, never gave a project. oh well. that is the fraternity i joined. all lip service.

really need to find a pad. now, how the heck do you do that with zero cashflow. the sound of crushed glass echoing under my feet. desperate. really really desperate.

the first two callbacks i had are not returning my emails anymore. oh wow. what the hell did i do to the world to deserve this entire YEAR of bad business? what?

and still no one reaches out via this blog. not one of the hundreds that pass through it every month...

another set of fresh site visitors from the U.S.! U.S. origin viewers have now outnumbered Philippine origin viewers.

running analytics really is a big help! at least i have a clearer snapshot where all the viewers are coming from.

if its alright with the viewers, please LEAVE A SHORT NOTE, just so i know who has passed by.

again, thank you for passing thru.

Two Sentence Stories.

as a writer, i stumbled across this concept from a facebook post of a photography student. since then, ive actually been toying with the idea, and how i can incorporate it into a blog article. so, maybe, when you read this, you may want to contribute your own two sentence story in the comment box.

this is a paraphased version of the one i read that spooked me. (couldnt find the original article, so attribution cannot be made at this point; and is principally used as an example only.)

she could not stop crying the whole night, so i went to her to calm her down. she's been dead for two years.

now, its your turn to try to write one. :)

The Analytics Report.

the blog has had 68 visits this month. 60percent were Filipino, 35percent American. the balance came from the UK.

each visit lasted 7 minutes on the average, and browsed at least 5 unique pages.

finally, starting to comprehend Search Engine Optimization, and all that online jazz.

and lastly, "PILIPINO KA?" "BAKA MAAARING MAG IWAN KA NAMAN NG KAHIT NA MAIKLING MENSAHE." "SAKA MAG ISIP KA NAMAN NG IBANG ALYAS MALIBAN SA ANONYMOUS." MAKE IT RHYME WITH YOUR REAL NAME. TUTAL DI NAMAN KITA KILALA MALAMANG. HEHEH

After trying for a week, I decide that "since I won't pass out, apparently my time isn't up yet."

i have realized a couple of things in that week.
1) the "hole" can get very dark and lonely. if you do not have anyone to pull you out, you can lose your way in there, and not have any way to get back up.
2) when push comes to shove, and all you want is to pass out, you will call out to anyone, just to pass out. unfortunately, no one comes.
3) the back pains become a part of your subsequent days.
4) the ligature marks are noticeable, even from a short distance. and are quite difficult to hide, with regular tropical clothes.
5) somehow, you have to have the ability to repurpose yourself, your life. and that is what i am trying to do now. and learning SEO concepts. both difficult.

another 63 site visits this week. still no one wants to leave a message. makes you think everyone is illiterate now. I don't know which one is worse. 63 visitors ignoring your plea to leave a note, or 63 illiterate visitors on a writing blog. the analytics software are all in place now in this blog, after a month of setting it up.

oh by the way, it never really is painless.

too many ligature burn marks on my neck already.

can't seem to pass out.

after 200 online applications with zero callbacks, yesterday i decide to submit TWO personally.

aced the first exams. scheduled for two interviews today.

and we thought it was already the online generation. hahahahahha

when everyone is wishing you well, not knowing that you are two inches away from making your first hesitation cut...

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT.

there have been over 100 views, these past 24 hours. Dont be too much of a mystery. PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT. it will help a lot. thank you.

Thinking of doing a Balbastro, on the eve of my birthday.

additional 60 applications. callbacks: still zero.

massive massive feeling of desperation.

we sleep, with the hope that tomorrow's sunrise will give us new hope, new direction. sometimes it does, at the very last minute. most times it does not. we go through the day in the hope that tomorrow will be different. it usually will not.

and, for the record, the prayer i have uttered since mount carmel days have been the same, for over half a decade. i just asked for three things.
1) the continuance of "luck" for her, and more successes.
2) to be blessed with a child.
3) to have projects for me.
of which, only number one was granted, which in turn focused the spotlight on me, and not being able to pull my own weight.

the situations facing me then were still similar to the situations facing me now. much as i'd like to think that things will improve, fact remains that they have not. so, do i keep on dreaming that things will get better? or do i wise up and realize that they have not, and in all probability will not?

desperate.
really really terribly desperate.

REALIZATIONS of an unemployed man, looking for work, online

2013 has been a terrible year for my photography business. so, i started to look for work, online. here are some of the things i realized.

1) the two main online jobs portals, with their thousands of potential job vacancies, basically are a haven for employers who seem to just be window-shopping.
most times it will be a question of a salary mismatch. but instead of negotiating, they will rather just scratch you off their options list.

2) actual stats: over 40 applications for april & may. actual call backs? zero.

3) the sites now employ a "pitch" section where you are asked to pitch yourself to get noticed. occasionally, the employers will add a second page with their question, which often is too ludricruous to answer at all. ie; "what was the last time you decided without your boss? and what was the result?" oh my.

4) online jobs. there are none. you will find online sites advertising that. then when you click, you will be required to sign in to the site to receive junk mail for the rest of your life.

5) writing jobs. these go for 10c per line of 65characters. and then you will be asked to bid for your price. which of course has to be lower than that.

6) online jobs that require you to purchase something they made for $25, which will guarantee you a $25 return for each email you send out. it is actually an online job for them, not for anyone else.

7) job description mismatches. not quite as common, but it is out there.

8) executive search companies that apparently do not intend to keep a portfolio of the more expensive talents, from whom they will certainly earn a lot more to market.

9) websites that do not work, or do not submit.

10) you will learn to pray again.

hoping for a callback from a true GM position, but not too enthusiastic, given the history.

on writing 30

Eventually, we all will "write 30".

I wanted to write mine last June 20.
it had all been planned. use up all my resources, then just quietly go into the night, quietly chasing against the dying of the light. but monkey wrenches often find their way into the middle of all the best planned things. the monkey wrench was in the form of an email, asking if i still had chubby's remains. and i remembered why i tried to keep everything the way they were for the past three years; everything in the same place it was, since 2010. it was to aid in someone's recovery. and i knew that if i write 30, then the recovery would surely be compromised. unfortunately, without resources, how else will you be able to go to june 21?

and so, the plans had to be shelved.

unfortunately, without resources, i will also be in a worst pickle, on my own.

and now it is july 24, with still no projects in sight, i think my options have been lined up for me already.

apologies if this will throw your recovery into haywire.

there is a difference between not trying, and not having opportunities. and now, there are no opportunities for me. not for lack of intent, but rather, a genuine lack of opportunities. again, apologies for not being able to grow old with you.

Driving to Paradise

It again took 3 solid days of convincing before I budged.
It wasn't that i had to be convinced about this place up north, but rather, it was the gruelling 600km drive sitting between me and the destination that was providing much of the resistance.

The place had convinced me once before that it was paradise.
And while my memory of that once before has started getting cloudy, the photographs I took there were still crystal clear in my mind. And then the 600 kilometer road trip started to become less objectionable.

It was pitched to me as a surfing destination. Not that it would appeal more to me because of that, but having successfully photographed the surfers of Baler a year ago, it kinda made me start thinking about it.

The person doing the convincing also knew which buttons to press. He got me by dangling images of the menu. aside from being a foodie, I also get my kicks looking at good photos of food. And the images were top-class; taken by several internationally known surfing photographers. I said yes at around this time.

I take time to browse their surfing photos and could not believe that the place actually had 7-10 foot waves breaking out into pipelines. In the Philippines, I have never seen anything like it. And so the roadtrip was on.

Of course I knew that waves in summer tend to be as flat as a pool. But I wanted to talk with the people who set up this resort while only on vacation from a first world country. I wanted to see what they saw 10 years ago, when all there was were four shacks scattered around. It isn't every day that you will get to have a conversation with people who could see paradise when just about everyone else saw desolation.

Just like me, Mike had hung out with people at least 20 years his senior early on in his life. And as I learned my life lessons from their collective wisdom, Mike picked up a common theme from them as well.

"It was like they would always say I should have done this or done that while I was young. And when Alma and I saw what Pagudpud had, we decided that we wanted to do this while we were still actually young!" And apparently, the rest is history.

They chose a rocky part of the long shoreline and started setting down their roots for the long haul. It was apparently a surfer's strategy so that their beachfront wouldn't be crowded by the sandlovers, which are simply too many. Surfers already have enough on their plate riding the monster waves; avoiding bobbing swimmers heads that suddenly appear in their line was something that was better if resolved from the start. I start seeing their logic.

Meanwhile, I get handed a Margarita. It is a special concoction originally mixed by Alma. I take a sip. And another.



And while refreshing for the summer heat, I prefer a stronger hit. Alcoholics also do. So they give me a slammer or banger. And even if i didn't catch the right name, I immediately ask for seconds. Mike returns with photos from his cellphone showing me waves that look like the pipelines of Hawaii. The photos are superb, as they were taken by some of the best international surfing photographers. Bali, I ask innocently half knowing the water quality had to be Hawaii and knowing that Mike was a sponsored surfer by a big and distinguished brand. "That's Pagudpud during typhoon season when they turn away towards Japan." My jaw drops. 10 to 15 foot swells. Pipelines big enough for buses to fit through. Now I suddenly see what they saw 10 years ago. They saw paradise on top of a surfboard while everyone else just saw an angry sea.

I reach for the menu. Mike takes the fish burger. I opt for the local meat favorite.
He talks about having many many beautiful action shots, done by the top photographers as part of his endorsement deal, but are never ever used by his sponsors. "You know there are days when you just want to be a model..." "yeah" i reply; having been an endorser as well. But I have had my billboards. And I have had people asking for my autograph in public gatherings. "yeah...its a nice feeling when people recognize you from this magazine or that cover shoot." But then, eventually you try to find your own shangri-la to escape from it all.



I look at the menu once more and I see the home made pancakes. They seem to be a metaphor of Pagudpud. Rough in places, but oozing with creamy goodness nonetheless.

Perhaps you just have to know what you are looking at.
And apparently, Alma & Mike did.


Jesus Paul C. Yan
for The Paul Yan Chronicles.


Kapuluan Vista Resort. Awarded "Most Innovative" beach resort in Northern Philippines.
www.kapuluanvista.com

to view more food offerings from kapuluan vista, please click
http://itspaulyan.weebly.com/hunger.html

Trying to think strait

It has been eleven months since my last post; and eleven months since my brother Joel passed away. Life has been an odd mix of ups and downs since then, and in that order. I stopped posting for as long as i could as i knew that the time was just about right when i would need to post without having to worry about it being immediately read within the day, which was a common occurance up until 12 months ago. The thoughts which had been running through my head since 2009 have lately made a reappearance, and at the same intensity. I have seven days left to resolve it. And i have not been thinking strait.