The Paul Yan Chronicles

massive massive feeling of desperation.

we sleep, with the hope that tomorrow's sunrise will give us new hope, new direction. sometimes it does, at the very last minute. most times it does not. we go through the day in the hope that tomorrow will be different. it usually will not.

and, for the record, the prayer i have uttered since mount carmel days have been the same, for over half a decade. i just asked for three things.
1) the continuance of "luck" for her, and more successes.
2) to be blessed with a child.
3) to have projects for me.
of which, only number one was granted, which in turn focused the spotlight on me, and not being able to pull my own weight.

the situations facing me then were still similar to the situations facing me now. much as i'd like to think that things will improve, fact remains that they have not. so, do i keep on dreaming that things will get better? or do i wise up and realize that they have not, and in all probability will not?

desperate.
really really terribly desperate.