MiniCooper

MiniCooper

Saturdays have been my social interaction day for about 2 years running. I have met a lot of people, of all shades, sizes, and eccentricities. About seven months ago MiniCooper walked in. He was a calm and composed young man; thin by my standards (I was massively thin that time, minus at least 20 pounds from my usual). He introduced himself as a single father of four, and a builder by education. He was calm and at peace, at least at that point. By the following week, things had changed massively, as he became a bundle of nerves, unsure of what would come next. Seven days after our introduction, his four children were forcibly taken, by the other single parent, with the aid of firearms, with the intention of spiriting them out of the country. This is his story.

His romance started in school, just like most of us. Not needing to go into detail, he tells me that his girlfriend became pregnant just as he was about to graduate, and then they decided to marry. I interpret this decision to marry as coming after the fact, which is what most guys his age would do. I do not know if this interpretation would hold true for girls, who I also understand may intend to get pregnant so that marriage becomes an inevitable option; an option that will be reached regardless of discussion with the boyfriend, with the in-laws, with the parents. Getting pregnant is the first step to a way out of whatever situation they could not resolve. Regardless, they both intend to get married before the baby comes into this world.

MiniCooper knows his family will support his decision. He is unaware though that it will break his father’s heart. They fly to the girl’s family to settle in while he reviews for his board exam. In a week, his father is dead; broken by the suddenness of it all. Everyone attempts to move on.

He takes a teaching job. The baby arrives. He passes the board. The wife decides to take further education, intending to work outside the country. Baby number two comes. They move on.

In another two years, he had established himself in his chosen field, which was outside of what he was educated for. He had chosen to specialize in 3D rendering, instead of building, and had started to make a name for himself outside the country. Around that time, he moves back to Manila to take care of business, then flies to his family at least once every thirty days. He had found his road, and he was content. The wife had finished her further education and also wanted to find her road. For her, her road lay twelve time zones away. Or at least one time zone further from where she was at that point. Of course having a husband who had found his road in a place you didn’t think yours would be would be a source of conflict. But there was hardly any conflict, as she probably knew that outright resistance was futile. Baby number three comes.

He decides to bring his family to Manila. She learns all that she can about how to go seek her place in the sun. She applies for whatever needed to be applied for. Baby number four comes. Six weeks after, she gets approval from the host country and leaves immediately. This is the first time she is enthusiastic about anything. MiniCooper is left in Manila with four children, the youngest, six weeks old. He isn’t burdened at all; he has virtually taken care of all the children since day one, and this was a continuance of it all. He is bothered at the insistence of his wife to leave for work, especially since they already have a growing family. I think she feels that the Philippines was not where her future lay anymore. I think she had come to that realization a long time ago, but that she was overtaken by events. I think that when she got pregnant, she was not yet ready to settle down and become a mother. Life moves on.

In a year, the children had grown by a year. MiniCooper had taken care of them virtually singlehandedly (thank the Filipino extended family as well as the affordable labor force) and life was moving at a seemingly normal pace. She had also adjusted to her new environment well. The first of several returns was eagerly awaited by everyone.

Physical separation has its own share of problems that can only be understood by people who have had reasons to be physically separated. They were like everyone else in this regard as well. They grew apart, but in a way that was not pleasant to either one. MiniCooper opted for a separation, intending to raise the children on his own, as he had done so, virtually from the day they were born.

Physical separation also has its own share of peculiarities, some of which create urges only understood by people who have had reasons to be physically separated. A woman not yet prepared to settle down and be a mother in spite of the fact of four children may suddenly start to have her motherly instincts kick in. Perhaps realizing that her actions may have imperiled her access to the children, she acts in a way that only mothers who have had to recover their children may understand. She prepares the legal documentation in the fastest way she can, and at the most discrete manner so nobody would even notice something was already being done. All that remained was for her to get the children, which she did on the dawn of the second Saturday after I was introduced to MiniCooper. For the record, the firearms were used to dissuade any possible opposition from the people taking care of the children, but were never intended to cause any harm to anyone. Before the sun rose, MiniCooper was a single parent to children on their way to a land twelve timezones away from him, and without any means of contact.

By noon, during our second meeting, I had found out some bits and pieces of what happened. All I knew was that there was urgency to the situation, with a window of just a few hours more. Although I had the capacity to help immediately, with help that was appropriate to the situation, I decided to give the benefit of the doubt to the other person.

Apparently, by her actions, she is finally prepared to become a mother. I hope time proves her right.

Two weeks ago, I read something on a shirt worn by Manilyn and I think the words are appropriate here. “In the end, everything will be ok. If it’s not ok, then it’s not yet the end.”



Jesus Paul C. Yan
For The Paul Yan Chronicles
April 6, 2011 7:49am